Serious answer, I'm not sure there's a right person atm. My first call would be Jay Wright. Make him say no to 8m or whatever. I'd think about calling Self assuming the NCAA doesn't go in dry on him.
There aren't many standout young coaches. I think Nate Oats might be that guy, but you need more than a year for proof.
So a quick guess for me (besides picking myself)
1. Wright
2. Self
3. Oats
4. Beard (barf)
5. ???
A good buddy of mine is a gigantic cat fan. When they were looking to hire in 2009 I said “they should call Jay Wright”. Hard to argue that they went the wrong way with Cal with all the success they’ve had (including a title and a handful of final 4s), but I thought Wright could have been a great hire back even back then.