Returning Through Grief

[Random UK Fan]

I’m taking some advice through my good friend @FaithPlusOne. I’m putting out my first post in three weeks now. I’m reluctantly pushing myself a little bit I guess. I lost my wife suddenly three weeks ago tomorrow, and I’ve just been dealing with an enormous amount of grief. It’s left a huge void in my life, she was my best friend and the love of my life. We have two young daughters together, and I spent the last three weeks just being all over the board with my emotions. They seem to rotate through grief, fear, and despair. The grief alone is overwhelming, but also the fear of how I move forward and how I take care of two girls. I know about being a dad, but I don’t know about being a mom. If anybody has any advice from similar circumstances, I’d love to hear them.

 

[Demarcus Kidd-Miller]

Very sorry to hear that. Hope each day gets a little better for you and your family.

 

[JimboBBN]

We are here for you, buddy. It’s a great place to vent to friends. So sorry to hear about your loss. Was she also a Cats fan?

 

[rockycard]

So sorry to hear that Random, thoughts and prayers for you and your whole family 🙏

 

[boilerzz]

Damn. My thoughts and prayers to you and your family. Hopefully us idiots can provide some levity and distraction in your time of grief.

 

[WojoRising]

God bless, and I’m so sorry for your loss. I won’t pretend that I can imagine what you’re going through, I can’t begin to imagine what you’re feeling. As others have said, we’re all here for you - as stupid as it may sound, the board really is a community and you’re a huge part of it. While it may not help something as tragic as this, one thing I’m sure of is that you’ll be receiving as many prayers, thoughts, good vibes - or whatever this eclectic bunch of posters will send - as you can handle.

 

[Afamu]

I’m taking some advice through my good friend @FaithPlusOne. I’m putting out my first post in three weeks now. I’m reluctantly pushing myself a little bit I guess. I lost my wife suddenly three weeks ago tomorrow, and I’ve just been dealing with an enormous amount of grief. It’s left a huge void in my life, she was my best friend and the love of my life. We have two young daughters together, and I spent the last three weeks just being all over the board with my emotions. They seem to rotate through grief, fear, and despair. The grief alone is overwhelming, but also the fear of how I move forward and how I take care of two girls. I know about being a dad, but I don’t know about being a mom. If anybody has any advice from similar circumstances, I’d love to hear them.

So sorry for your. God Bless you and those beautiful children.

 

[GhostOf301]

I am terribly sorry to hear about your unthinkable loss. I wish I could help, but grief is something I don't handle and couldn't give good advice on. I hope you and your family hold on strong and get through this tragedy. Hug those girls.

 

[Five Nattys]

It’s so hard to express condolences to people that have lost loved ones too early in life. I hope this poem that I found will help if only a little bit.

Still Loving You

"Until death do us part," Were the vows we made then. Though they no longer hold, For death has parted our ways, Forever I am plighted to you And still loving you.
I love you in them And honor you by loving them. They are created by our love; Brought to life by the giving of our lives. Their hearts were molded by ours; In their hearts are mine and yours; I love them and in loving them, I am still loving you.
"Until death do us part," Were the vows we made then. I knew then and I know now That they are meant for you. Forever they are engraved on my heart For I am always loving you.

 

[kyjeff1]

Oh no. Man, I'm so sorry this happened. Please let me know if there is anything I can do.

 

[ExitFlagger]

Hate to hear it, Random. But as rough as it seems now, time always heals.

 

[della]

I am truly saddened to read of your loss. Losing a loved one is like have a heavy weight on your chest and it is almost unbearable, but with time the pain will subside. There is really nothing you can do as you grieve and you have to let the process work out. You can be brave and help your kids and lead them through this. I will be praying for you Random.

Death leaves a Heartache that no one can heal
But, Love leaves a memory that no one can steal

 

[winin11]

It's my biggest fear to lose my wife and she is also my best friend.
Prayers for you and your family.

 

[Blueheart32]

wow man this is really shocking to read. I won’t even pretend to know what you must be going through and I have no idea what would be good advice on how to move forward. You not only have to deal with your own grief, but have to be strong for your girls. That’s a lot to ask of anyone. I hope this gets a little easier for you everyday.

 

[Random UK Fan]

Was she also a Cats fan?

she was. She’s the only other one I’d watch a ballgame with because everyone else got on our nerves not paying attention. It’s already a strange time because she won’t be with me during the games anymore, on top of everything being new around the program. We were both curious how things are going to play out this season. I’m just totally broken right now.

 

[cdbearde]

Random my heart breaks for you, I lost my first wife and my first love in the 80's. I also had two small children, it's a very hard and cruel thing to go through. I had my parents and hers to lean on with the two little ones. There is really no advice that fits all circumstances. Just be grateful for the memories that you have, and the two wonderful gifts she gave you, the children, that's what got me through. Take your time and heal the way that fits your needs. God Bless you brother.

 

[UL_1986]

Extremely sorry to hear about your loss brother. Grief is something that we will always carry with us, and I feel like there is always shades of it throughout life, but I hope you allow yourself time to heal and spend quality time with your girls. Hate to hear this happened man.

 

[Scotty00]

Random, I hate to hear this man. No words are gonna make you feel any better but if you ever need anybody to talk to feel free to reach out. I never was one to pray a lot but with all that’s happened with my son and seeing him struggle everyday I’ve turned to prayer because I didn’t feel like I had anywhere else to turn and it’s help me so just know I’ll include you from here on out. I really hate to hear this about your wife buddy.

 

[Bert Higginbotha]

Random, I have waited to post but did not know what to say.



I basically am not good at grieving so I cannot give any good advice. But I have had my wife for 58 years now and I can’t imagine losing her. In fact, I hope, selfishly, that I go first.

I lost my father in 1975, my sister in 1996 and my mom in 2001. I am not over those yet; however, I can’t imagine losing my wife in her prime.

May God bless you and give you the strength to get through this tough situation. Love those children because they will really miss their mom.


I wish I could do better, but I can’t. The next time you come through please stop by again.

 

[KENTUCKY_FLYER]

Wish I could do better than Bert, but I can't. There are no words that can repair this damage. Humanity was not built to experience death much less the death of a wife, aka best friend, the one that you tell things that you wouldn't breath to another soul, The one that is your other half and does so many things for you in a day that you cant even remember them all. We take breathing and walking for granted, we also take a wife and best friend for granted until we lose them, it truly is a loss of part of yourself, there are no words. You are braver than me, Id still be in the fetal position on the floor

 

[JC for 3]

My sincere condolences to you and your family, Random.

 

[AWilli6995]

I watched my dad go through the same thing when my mom passed away when I was 17. He didn't worry about me or my brothers but he was scared about caring for my 2 sisters. What got him through it was family and close friends and just remembering the good times.

 

[coryfly]

Like everyone else, very sorry to hear. That's awful and I'm sorry. I have a lot of experience with death and loss but not of a spouse. Never dealt with that so cannot put myself in your place. I have a friend who married my first cousin and she passed away almost a year ago today. Very unexpected. They also have two fairly young children (middle school and elementary school age). He was, like you, quite devastated when it happened. He found a lot of solace in his faith and also just seeing all of the difference she made in the life of people she knew and her children. Anyway, none of that is probably that helpful but I did see him today and he is doing very well. So, it sucked. A lot, and I'm sure at times it still does but he has learned to be happy and is doing a great job with his children as I'm sure you will. I know he has a sister in law (her sister) that helps at times with the girl stuff I'm sure.

 

[cdbearde]

@Random UK Fan
Hey brother how are you doing? I hope you and the precious two little ones are doing well.
I think of you three every day, God blees you all.

 

[Montana81]

My thoughts are with you. I wish i could give some advice but i’m single with no kids so I can’t tell you how to do that.

Only thing I can offer in terms of wisdom is merely to just live. It’s the best way we can honor the memories of those we’ve lost imo.

 

[Boilermaker03]

I’m taking some advice through my good friend @FaithPlusOne. I’m putting out my first post in three weeks now. I’m reluctantly pushing myself a little bit I guess. I lost my wife suddenly three weeks ago tomorrow, and I’ve just been dealing with an enormous amount of grief. It’s left a huge void in my life, she was my best friend and the love of my life. We have two young daughters together, and I spent the last three weeks just being all over the board with my emotions. They seem to rotate through grief, fear, and despair. The grief alone is overwhelming, but also the fear of how I move forward and how I take care of two girls. I know about being a dad, but I don’t know about being a mom. If anybody has any advice from similar circumstances, I’d love to hear them.

Wow man, that's awful. I'm sorry to hear this. Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I lost my wife suddenly. It wouldn't be good. She means so much to me and our family. I can't imagine what you're going through.

 

[ThePhog08]

Praying for you buddy. Inbox me and I am free to talk anytime.

 

[Hogs1988]

I’m taking some advice through my good friend @FaithPlusOne. I’m putting out my first post in three weeks now. I’m reluctantly pushing myself a little bit I guess. I lost my wife suddenly three weeks ago tomorrow, and I’ve just been dealing with an enormous amount of grief. It’s left a huge void in my life, she was my best friend and the love of my life. We have two young daughters together, and I spent the last three weeks just being all over the board with my emotions. They seem to rotate through grief, fear, and despair. The grief alone is overwhelming, but also the fear of how I move forward and how I take care of two girls. I know about being a dad, but I don’t know about being a mom. If anybody has any advice from similar circumstances, I’d love to hear them.

Prayers for you and your family.

 

[WeAreDePaul]

Really sorry to hear this Random. You're one of the happiest, fun people here. Sucks you have to go through this. if you ever want to talk give me a call.

 

[GE Nole]

@Random UK Fan

Really sad to hear this. No two ways about it, this is a brutal loss and turn of events. I am glad you posted on here, I know we are mostly anonymous to each other but maybe that’s helpful for being able to open up and talk about it. I am definitely sending you and your girls positive energy.

In terms of advice, a couple things come to mind:

1. Don’t try to “be a man” or bottle up your emotions from your daughters. They just lost their mother, the last thing they want is to lose their father too. Now more than ever is the time to show them that it’s okay to be in pain, it’s okay to experience grief, is okay to be scared, it’s okay to cry. What’s not okay is quitting on life or your loved ones who are still on earth with us. You don’t have to be perfect for them, you just need to be open and there for them.

2. As a former educator, I can say that I saw several students get impacted by parental deaths. (One girl lost her mom and dad at the same time). Your daughter’s teachers likely want to help. Make sure you communicate with the teachers consistently and form a team so that you all can be on the look out for trauma related changes that might occur in the coming weeks.

 

[NewEraCATS]

Random. So sorry to hear about the parking of your wife and the mothers of your kids. Beat advice I can give you is keep waking up everyday and be present for your girls as you work through your grief.