Post a joke....
- Thread starter IUfanBorden
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That explains why up to 80% of some koala populations have chlamydia. True story.
Koalas are ****ing horrible animals. They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal, additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons. If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food. They are too thick to adapt their feeding behaviour to cope with change. In a room full of potential food, they can literally starve to death. This is not the token of an animal that is winning at life. Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their ****ing lives. When they are awake all they do is eat, shit and occasionally scream like ****ing satan. Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal. Many herbivorous mammals have adaptations to cope with harsh plant life taking its toll on their teeth, rodents for instance have teeth that never stop growing, some animals only have teeth on their lower jaw, grinding plant matter on bony plates in the tops of their mouths, others have enlarged molars that distribute the wear and break down plant matter more efficiently... Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death, because they're ****ing terrible animals. Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here). When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system. Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher. This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree, which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I ****ing hate them.
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Got the wrong first 'lady' for that joke. Trump goes around raping and settling civil suits.
How do you know this much about Koalas? Did one rape you a few years ago?
Well, after licking his ass hole, what else was left to do?
Joe and Donald combined might get to triple digits in IQ. Two of the dumbest sobs on the planet.
Saw this on IU's home board....I'll start...
Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding in the prairie....Suddenly, the Lone Ranger see's mass Indians, coming from the North.
He yell's, "Tonto---Indians to the North....Go SOuth!!
But then, he see's Indians coming from the SOuth, so.....
He again yells---"tonto,Indian's from the South....Go West!!
But now there are Indian's coming from every direction. Frantically Lone Ranger screams----Now what Tonto. What are we going to do!!?
Tonto replies---"what do mean WE, white man....:
Oh lord, that's such an old joke
My dad LOVED to tell that one.I feel like my jokes are all WAY too offensive or horrible to tell.
UNC fans still thinking they did nothing wrong is the funniest thing I hear every week.
The triple bench press angle makes me think this was a self-parody, but not even Iowa players would be so... corny.
NSFW
Definitely my favorite one to tell
A dairy farmer goes to his field and sees his best cow dead. He starts sobbing because how much that cow has done for him. A fairy appears and says “I’m sorry about your cow, but I have an offer for you. If you can make love to me 5 times in a row without taking a break I’ll bring your cow back to life. If you fail, you die.” The farmer gives at a shot and goes 4 times strong but is too tired to finish the 5th time. The fairy kills him.
The farmers eldest boy comes out and and sees his father and the cow dead. He starts sobbing. The fairy appears again and says “I’m sorry about your father and cow, but if you can make love to me 10 times in a row without taking a break I’ll bring both of them back to life. If you can’t, you die.” The boy gives it a shot but after 9 tries just can’t go a 10th. The fairy kills him.
The farmers middle boy comes out and sees his father and the cow dead. He starts sobbing. The fairy appears again and says “I’m sorry about your father, brother, and cow, but if you can make love to be 15 times without taking a break I’ll bring them all back to life. If you can’t, you die.” The boy gives it a go but after 14 times just can’t go a 15th. The fairy kills him.
The farmers youngest boy comes out and sees his father, brothers, and the cow dead. The fairy appears and says “I’m sorry about your dad, brothers, and cows, but if you can make love to me 20 straight times without taking a break I’ll bring them all back to life. If you can’t, you die.”
The boy starts laughing hysterically and says “deal.”. Puzzled, the fairy says “what’s so funny?” The boy responds “how do you think the cow died?”
The farmers eldest boy comes out and and sees his father and the cow dead. He starts sobbing. The fairy appears again and says “I’m sorry about your father and cow, but if you can make love to me 10 times in a row without taking a break I’ll bring both of them back to life. If you can’t, you die.” The boy gives it a shot but after 9 tries just can’t go a 10th. The fairy kills him.
The farmers middle boy comes out and sees his father and the cow dead. He starts sobbing. The fairy appears again and says “I’m sorry about your father, brother, and cow, but if you can make love to be 15 times without taking a break I’ll bring them all back to life. If you can’t, you die.” The boy gives it a go but after 14 times just can’t go a 15th. The fairy kills him.
The farmers youngest boy comes out and sees his father, brothers, and the cow dead. The fairy appears and says “I’m sorry about your dad, brothers, and cows, but if you can make love to me 20 straight times without taking a break I’ll bring them all back to life. If you can’t, you die.”
The boy starts laughing hysterically and says “deal.”. Puzzled, the fairy says “what’s so funny?” The boy responds “how do you think the cow died?”
Definitely my favorite one to tell
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NSFW
Hail and his wife were having trouble in the bedroom so they visited renowned sex therapist named Dr. Z. After meeting the couple, Dr. Z says he has the perfect idea to help things out.
“On your way home, stop at the grocery store and pick up some donuts and grapes. Mrs. Hail try to throw the donuts on to Hail like ring toss and the crawl over and get them off your mouth. Hail, do the same thing for her using the grapes.”
The couple followed Dr. Z’s instructions and their bedroom became full of life. Hail told his friend Borden about how great Dr. Z was so Borden and his wife scheduled an appointment.
“I’m sorry, Borden, after going through all of your information I don’t think there’s anything I can do to help you guys.”
Borden pleads “but doctor! Please! You helped out our friends. There has to be something you can do to help us”
After thinking it over Dr. Z looks up from the chart and says “okay, on your way home stop and get a box of Cheerios and some apples.”
“On your way home, stop at the grocery store and pick up some donuts and grapes. Mrs. Hail try to throw the donuts on to Hail like ring toss and the crawl over and get them off your mouth. Hail, do the same thing for her using the grapes.”
The couple followed Dr. Z’s instructions and their bedroom became full of life. Hail told his friend Borden about how great Dr. Z was so Borden and his wife scheduled an appointment.
“I’m sorry, Borden, after going through all of your information I don’t think there’s anything I can do to help you guys.”
Borden pleads “but doctor! Please! You helped out our friends. There has to be something you can do to help us”
After thinking it over Dr. Z looks up from the chart and says “okay, on your way home stop and get a box of Cheerios and some apples.”
My grandPa told me that joke....I miss that old man...Oh lord, that's such an old joke
I feel like my jokes are all WAY too offensive or horrible to tell.
I doubt much is to offensive/horrible for this ****in place.
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