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Okay guys... lemme ask you all a question

TheDude1

TheDude1

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Apr 15, 2010
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So, can I ask you guys a question?

I asked a bunch of guys I know on Facebook if they are sort of lonely. And every single one of them was like "Oh **** yeah, for sure."

Now, I know part of it is age and where I am in life... I'm married with two kids, and between balancing my work, and the wife's work (she works opposite hours), and taking care of the two kids (who are 4 and 7, so in a really needy time of life, rather than 14 and 17) it just doesn't leave a lot of time.

For me personally I think it is also my job; I work with basically 100 percent women, and as nice as it is, I don't really have "work friends" who I can grab a drink and watch a game with.

I also have no family around me; only child, and my cousins live in Cali.

But shit man... as a dude, I really do need more dude friends. My best friends from college live on the left coast, and the few guy friends I have here have two and three kids and are working all the time. Plus, one or two of them are fun to hang with, but also spend a lot of their time bitching about their lives, and I don't wanna necessarily spend ages talking about that. And I miss being able to shoot the shit with guys.

Any of you guys run into this? I know it is being talked about more and more often... that guys really struggle finding friends, especially as they get a bit older. But any of you dudes feeling sort of lonely?

(And yes, I know that guys aren't supposed to talk about this stuff for some strange reason.)
 
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I'm kinda of with ya, brother. My job, then officiating, keeps me super busy. Especially when basketball/baseball overlap. I just have no time. Most of my "friends", are the guys on my officiating umpiring crews, that I travel with some 8 months out of the year. My other friends, i.e. dudes I grew up with, etc, etx..rarely call me to do anything, because they know I normally to busy. So I've basically lost touch with most of them.
As for family? Meh...scattered, really. My mom and sister live in Utah. My dad in Georgia . My brother in Lexington, Kay "Y". Aunts and uncles are relatively close; one does live in North Carolina though. Seems the only time we see one another is during funerals...But that's about to change as this weekend, we are FINALLY having a legit , family gathering. The 1st annual " Borden Fam Get 2 gether". So looking forward to that.
My children are grown. So I don't have those dudes holding me down.
All in all, life is ok. Could be bettwr. Certainly could be worse.
 
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Also, OP...My idea of a board get 2 gather was partially in mind for lonely mutherfckers like yourself...Laughing
Which makes sense. Coming from me..:oops:
 
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I've certainly become more isolated in recent years since I moved to Midland. This town has a lot of people from here, and I certainly do hang out with my wife's friends (she's from here) but I'm not close to any of them really. Plus everybody is older with kids now so there's less opportunities to have nights out together to bond with people. It's tough trying to break into a crowd of people who mostly have known each other for a really long time.

It's also a big oil town. There's a lot of transplants here but most aren't really in a situation like myself. There's people from Houston and DFW but most graduates are Texas Tech, Texas A&M, TCU, etc. They graduated in oil/gas related fields and come here already knowing dozens of classmates/friends. I went to Kansas, which has no specific oil/gas program and I made the move here to be closer to where I did my work, and I kind of have to make work happen for myself. Other people are offered jobs by the bigger oil companies.

On top of that, I work from home so I only see people I work with once every few weeks. So while we are friends and I occasionally do go out with them, I'm not real close to any of them either. That will be changing soon though since I'm getting an office with a business partner downtown.

It is hard to make friends with other adult men. Especially in this town. It wasn't ever like this in Fort Worth when I was there, or in college.. People are pretty friendly but it's a very very competitive business and I work on the side of the industry that is as competitive as it gets. There's a lot of entitlement with some people and when you meet people instead of caring to know about you they'll gauge your worthiness first and foremost. Because there's so many people like that here in this city it puts peoples guard up more than it should be. It also doesn't help that I don't hunt or play much golf. That's literally what everybody here does whenever they can. Most of my guy time these days comes from messing with you all, texting with all of my old friends (which never stops) and when we travel (which we do a lot).
 
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I get that way sometimes. It's a ratio of responsibilities to down time. I have thoughts of being more social with other guys, but when/if it happens I find it's overrated. I think it comes with age too. You seem a bit younger than me (50), but as I get older the more I just want to be left alone. A healthy dose of it can get lonely, but people are so opiniated and set in their ways that I find I only want to be friends when I want to be.

This board helps.
 
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I think I missed the question.

nvm got it. Yes. I really wished someone I knew down here liked sports.

What I find is, a lot of the ppl I meet, I'm ready to throw them out the door 5 minutes into having them over.

It's just me, my wife and my brother-in-law down here, and tbh, I've not met anyone else I really enjoy having them over all the time....or even every once in a while. This could be due to my wife and I dealing with so many ppl during the day, that they ruin it for everyone else. I like my island.

You guys are my fix.
 
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Random UK Fan said:
I get that way sometimes. It's a ratio of responsibilities to down time. I have thoughts of being more social with other guys, but when/if it happens I find it's overrated. I think it comes with age too. You seem a bit younger than me (50), but as I get older the more I just want to be left alone. A healthy dose of it can get lonely, but people are so opiniated and set in their ways that I find I only want to be friends when I want to be.

This board helps.
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Same thought (s) here. I'm 47. Only people I really meet, are guys that I've never officiated with, etc...Or fans. Lord knows I have no interest in fancying those ****tards.Laughing
Wife and I have a couple who we frequently camp with, or have dinner with. But other than.that, we mostly keep to ourselves.
 
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IUfanBorden said:
Same thought (s) here. I'm 47. Only people I really meet, are guys that I've never officiated with, etc...Or fans. Lord knows I have no interest in fancying those ****tards.Laughing
Wife and I have a couple who we frequently camp with, or have dinner with. But other than.that, we mostly keep to ourselves.
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That's why I really liked the idea of your meet & greet. It would be interesting to put a face to a (board)name, get to know some of you and then leave you all like used up hooker.
 
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Random UK Fan said:
That's why I really liked the idea of your meet & greet. It would be interesting to put a face to a (board)name, get to know some of you and then leave you all like used up hooker.
Click to expand...
So we're meeting in Louisville? Laughing
I would like to meet some.folks off here. Though there are a few that I would certainly want a background check, OR TWO, on before so..:eek:
I talk to a.couple dudes on the phone from here. Pretty cool.
 
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IUfanBorden said:
Shit, I live less than 20 minutes from Louisville ....Im all in for a meet and greet there..
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I live about an hour south of Lexington, so Louisville's not that far. If you start to organize it, start a new thread so we won't miss it. It might be best to propose a couple of dates as options. I'll be starting with a new company soon and not sure when training will begin.
 
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Random UK Fan said:
I live about an hour south of Lexington, so Louisville's not that far. If you start to organize it, start a new thread so we won't miss it. It might be best to propose a couple of dates as options. I'll be starting with a new company soon and not sure when training will begin.
Click to expand...
I grew up in the Campbellsville, Danville, Liberty area.
 
bkingUK said:
If I was dropped into any other city with out knowing anyone, I’d be screwed. I’m not good at making friends with strangers. It’s probably my worst attribute.
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I'd be just fine. I've always been able to just talk to anyone. Very outgoing.
 
Random UK Fan said:
I live about an hour south of Lexington, so Louisville's not that far. If you start to organize it, start a new thread so we won't miss it. It might be best to propose a couple of dates as options. I'll be starting with a new company soon and not sure when training will begin.
Click to expand...
I'm the last dude to organize shit. We'd start out at the Galt House, but with my procrastination abilities, we'd all end up having to meet at fcking Wal-Mart.
 
Wall2Boogie said:
Where’s the fine dining joints in Borden?
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Actually, just up the hill, is Hubers Family Restaurant and Winery. Absolutely great food. Fried biscuits are unreal...

Or, there is Save-A-Step. They have really good chicken livers..:D
 
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I don't mind being alone. I play golf with a variety of different dudes. I don't really care much about companionship in that sense though. You just can't play by yourself around here. I mean, I like most of the guys I pay golf with but would be ok with anyone pretty much as long as I'm playing. The wife and I will go out with different couple now and then but it mainly to appease them. We could do without it tbh. I see people all the time at church and ballgames and stuff. I've never really felt this loneliness thing though so that is probably a me issue.
 
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coryfly said:
I don't mind being alone. I play golf with a variety of different dudes. I don't really care much about companionship in that sense though. You just can't play by yourself around here. I mean, I like most of the guys I pay golf with but would be ok with anyone pretty much as long as I'm playing. The wife and I will go out with different couple now and then but it mainly to appease them. We could do without it tbh. I see people all the time at church and ballgames and stuff. I've never really felt this loneliness thing though so that is probably a me issue.
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Yeah, I never feel lonely. I fish alot, and TBH, prefer to fish by myself . Occasionally I'll go fishing with a buddy, or my cousins. My son and I go jere and there .But mostly, I just go by myself. Which is fine by me.
 
Dude, the fix for this is to get involved in a sport or activity, but preferably a sport. I play hockey and couldn't even count the number of friends i've made from just being on different teams and playing in a variety of leagues over the years. Locker room is a great place to fill up on your "shoot the shit" quota, but if not then the post game beers should do the trick.

I also play in a golf league after work and over the years have made a lot of friends from that.

If I didn't have hockey and golf I don't know how I would ever make a friend if I lived somewhere I didn't already have roots.
 
WeAreDePaul said:
Dude, the fix for this is to get involved in a sport or activity, but preferably a sport. I play hockey and couldn't even count the number of friends i've made from just being on different teams and playing in a variety of leagues over the years. Locker room is a great place to fill up on your "shoot the shit" quota, but if not then the post game beers should do the trick.

I also play in a golf league after work and over the years have made a lot of friends from that.

If I didn't have hockey and golf I don't know how I would ever make a friend if I lived somewhere I didn't already have roots.
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It’s funny you mention sports. I was going to suggest baseball. As OP is a fantastic catcher from what I’ve heard.
 
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TheDude1 said:
So, can I ask you guys a question?

I asked a bunch of guys I know on Facebook if they are sort of lonely. And every single one of them was like "Oh **** yeah, for sure."

Now, I know part of it is age and where I am in life... I'm married with two kids, and between balancing my work, and the wife's work (she works opposite hours), and taking care of the two kids (who are 4 and 7, so in a really needy time of life, rather than 14 and 17) it just doesn't leave a lot of time.

For me personally I think it is also my job; I work with basically 100 percent women, and as nice as it is, I don't really have "work friends" who I can grab a drink and watch a game with.

I also have no family around me; only child, and my cousins live in Cali.

But shit man... as a dude, I really do need more dude friends. My best friends from college live on the left coast, and the few guy friends I have here have two and three kids and are working all the time. Plus, one or two of them are fun to hang with, but also spend a lot of their time bitching about their lives, and I don't wanna necessarily spend ages talking about that. And I miss being able to shoot the shit with guys.

Any of you guys run into this? I know it is being talked about more and more often... that guys really struggle finding friends, especially as they get a bit older. But any of you dudes feeling sort of lonely?

(And yes, I know that guys aren't supposed to talk about this stuff for some strange reason.)
Click to expand...

http://www.hopesandfears.com/hopes/...-so-hard-to-make-new-friends-when-youre-older

96da60fa8bd42430e219aefb35baa591.jpg
 
TheDude1 said:
So, can I ask you guys a question?

I asked a bunch of guys I know on Facebook if they are sort of lonely. And every single one of them was like "Oh **** yeah, for sure."

Now, I know part of it is age and where I am in life... I'm married with two kids, and between balancing my work, and the wife's work (she works opposite hours), and taking care of the two kids (who are 4 and 7, so in a really needy time of life, rather than 14 and 17) it just doesn't leave a lot of time.

For me personally I think it is also my job; I work with basically 100 percent women, and as nice as it is, I don't really have "work friends" who I can grab a drink and watch a game with.

I also have no family around me; only child, and my cousins live in Cali.

But shit man... as a dude, I really do need more dude friends. My best friends from college live on the left coast, and the few guy friends I have here have two and three kids and are working all the time. Plus, one or two of them are fun to hang with, but also spend a lot of their time bitching about their lives, and I don't wanna necessarily spend ages talking about that. And I miss being able to shoot the shit with guys.

Any of you guys run into this? I know it is being talked about more and more often... that guys really struggle finding friends, especially as they get a bit older. But any of you dudes feeling sort of lonely?

(And yes, I know that guys aren't supposed to talk about this stuff for some strange reason.)
Click to expand...
Yeah, this is pretty much me in a nutshell. It’s compounded by area we live in but I don’t have many good friends that live close by. We recently moved from a densely populated neighborhood where I had a few buddies but even then we didn’t do that much together.

Is it age? Function of the times? Are we internet losers?
 
ticket2ride04 said:
Yeah, this is pretty much me in a nutshell. It’s compounded by area we live in but I don’t have many good friends that live close by. We recently moved from a densely populated neighborhood where I had a few buddies but even then we didn’t do that much together.

Is it age? Function of the times? Are we internet losers?
Click to expand...
There's no doubt I would have more ppl over if I lived closer to home.
 
JimboBBN said:
It’s funny you mention sports. I was going to suggest baseball. As OP is a fantastic catcher from what I’ve heard.
Click to expand...


My dad is 76 and just recently stopped playing in an over 50 fast pitch baseball league. Even if OP can no longer play catcher he can still play in a league like that for fun.
 
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re-reading the op.

My wife doesn't like my male friends. That's what it basically boils down to.

She's amazing but after working 12-15 hours a day at a non profit dealing with teenage boys. She doesn't want to come home to our shenanigans.

*I don't think Mosquitoes get full
 
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